I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN (funny)

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!

I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.

My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don't go around
"re-adjusting" my crotch,or yell like Tarzan when my headboard
gets a notch.

I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.

I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.

I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,Or stick my hand in my pocket to
hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and
weep. Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!


Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for a chick.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.

I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

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