Rejected Greeting Cards:

My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked
at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.

You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's
a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I
got real snippy.

Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't
fret about it... She moved in with me.

Your computer is dead... it was once so alive. Don't you regret
installing Windows 95?

You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it
have been... that case of Bud Dry?